


Something's Terrorized My Psyche

by orphan_account



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Choking, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Season/Series 03 Spoilers, Sorry Keith
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-09
Updated: 2017-08-09
Packaged: 2018-12-13 04:23:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11751933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Keith thinks it's a show of trust that Shiro has turned sharp around him... walking on eggshells is like second nature to Keith Kogane. You can’t necessarily predict the exact moment in time someone will strike, but no violence is without its warning signs.





	Something's Terrorized My Psyche

**Author's Note:**

  * For [vilix](https://archiveofourown.org/users/vilix/gifts).



It starts on the bridge. Not to say that’s incredibly peculiar, as the bridge is their center for communication, for battle plans; it’s the place where Allura comes to open wormholes, it’s the place where Coran is able to attack alongside them, behind them. Generally speaking, when Keith is in the Castle of Lions and he _isn’t_ sleeping or battling it out with the Altean training droids, he’s sitting in the Black Paladin’s seat in the bridge.

He figures he could say the same for the other paladins. It’d be slightly different for each of them, like how instead Hunk would be busy tinkering with the structure of the ship, how Pidge probably would be holing up in any room with technology, and Lance… well really, out of all of them, Lance was the most unpredictable. But after Lance figured out the mysterious Altean pool, the others say that they spot him there from time to time.

It’s not unpleasant to see them living their lives; Keith would dare say it’s _healthy_. War didn’t have to consume them. War _shouldn’t_ consume them.

That’s exactly why it’s so concerning when _It Happens_ on the bridge. After his arrival or rather discovery by the Black Lion, it seems that Shiro is wherever Keith is. Initially the behavior – though Keith would never dare say it aloud – was kind of cute. He was the classic loner… so long as it didn’t come to Shiro. Though, it wasn’t as if Keith go out of his way to spend time with Shiro. Not only would that not be good either of them, but Keith imagined that it’d grate on Shiro extremely easily.

Now Keith had the experience to say that, vice versa, it was the same.

Perhaps he would have had more patience with Shiro if it was all softness. But it’s not – rarely is anything about Shiro soft and gentle. Keith can hardly believe that this is unprecedented. If people are made out of their experiences, then… it makes perfect sense, Shiro being sharp.

He’s a man molded out of pain. Beginning with the struggle of being on an unwanted pedestal from his peers, to him being horrifically captured thus enslaved to suffice as both an experiment and entertainment; finally, Shiro becoming the iconic leader of a ragtag group of wayward people meant to defend the known universe.

Shiro was the person the Galra always set their sights on. If there were banners for Voltron out there, they would be flying his face.

It’s not at all surprising, to Keith at least, when Shiro turns cold. It’s normal for that to happen, he dares say that it’s to be expected. Not only that, but Keith’s heard it all before.

The things Shiro says to him, they do hurt. Yet those things like, _what is it with you and that thing,_ _then you’ve chosen to be alone, okay team we need to get that comet,_ _you’re going to have to deal with the_ _consequences._ _.._ are not unusual in their existence. Before the Black Lion finally picked up on Shiro’s SOS signal, he suffered through the past few months on a Galra cruiser, likely re-traumatized in unspeakable torture. If Keith was made to wager, he’d place big money that even being _in_ that environment again sent erratic shock waves throughout Shiro’s brain.

Somehow, even with all the evidence stacked in favor of Shiro becoming different, he doesn’t show it in front of the others. Only to Keith does his tone drop, do his hands shake in _near almost reaching that point_ anger. The thought of _no one else_ sends an odd flush throughout Keith’s body.

Keith thinks it's a show of trust that Shiro has turned sharp around him. When that cold steel fist clamps around his neck, the heat Keith feels isn’t only made up out of the electricity running through his nerves.

He looks at Shiro as he is in the present. Takashi Shirogane, without the undercut he’s had for years and without his normal clothes. Hell, he can’t wear the Black Paladin uniform. It's in Galra hands now. Not only that, of course – Black didn’t respond to him outside of not registering him as an enemy because no particle barrier was raised. With one act, just one single act, of teleportation, Shiro’s been stripped of everything besides maybe his dignity and that pride makes him boost himself up more in denial of what’s happened to him.

How could he possibly hold Shiro against that? Who could be heartless enough to see all the trauma that’s been inflicted upon this soul and see that _oh, he was kind of mean for a second there, he should be held responsible_. In his own opinion, it’s a miracle that Shiro didn’t crack down under pressure sooner. At least that gave Keith time to prep for it.

Not that he’d really need to. His survival instincts, of course, have to come with him. It’s similar to putting on some old boots of yours, expecting they won’t quite fit because it’s been years, surely you must be taller by now. But then you realize your feet fit perfectly, the boots are snug ‘round your legs, nothing has changed after all that time. It’s a small surprise to him, seeing himself shift into a role that he thought he abandoned years ago, but the mask slips on like a well made pair of glasses.

Walking on eggshells is like second nature to Keith Kogane. You can’t necessarily predict the exact moment in time someone will strike, but no violence is without its warning signs. In particular, he notices that Hunk’s entire face tenses, he’s clenching his body so tight his veins press against his skin. The majority the paladin armor hides it, but an elevated Keith can see the thick stream of blood clotted in his neck at times, and that’s when he knows he has to reassure Hunk right away.

For all purposes, Hunk is the easiest to read. Takashi is the near opposite of that, a good liar through practice with a natural cool head. He has his moments of dwindling patience, where his blood pressure begins to rise as his eye twitches uncontrollably. But the Shiro he sees now has a perfect face of calm when talking to Keith. It’s with a smile he pulls him away from the group and the group away from him, reassuring them all that the battle’s over with and if there was to be a fight they’ve got two people right here ready to warn them.

He fights the urge to tug Shiro’s hand into his and pull him close.

( Though to him it feels inaccurate to say an urge, it’s more like a beast in his stomach tearing apart his rib cage and pushing its clawed fingers across the curve of his stomach to get out, _to get out._ But for the sake of his sanity and well-being, Keith chooses not to think of it that way for too long. Otherwise, the team might keep him locked up for such imagery. )

That feeling in his gut, it aches in him so _bad_. Unnatural and strong as it is, whatever it is in him that wants is all too vocal. Keith suspects he must have starved that part of him in some way for how desperate it is; the line of a smile Shiro gives him does little to soothe it, but it does _soothe_.

“It’s good to see you leading,” is what Shiro tells him. Something in Keith’s mouth goes dry all of a sudden, and it’s not his tongue and it’s not his throat evaporating from within but it makes it hard to speak.

Saying something as small as _yeah_ must make him look like a fool, from the look Shiro’s giving him. “I always had faith in you,” he adds in pity of Keith. “The Black Lion has good taste.”

With Takashi fucking Shirogane as one of its pilots, Keith can’t find the heart to disagree. “I’m sorry she didn’t let you in, Shiro.” Shiro looks mildly – surprised? Confused, perhaps, over Keith’s reluctance to beat around the bush. Which, in turn, befuddles Keith because when has he ever been anything less than blunt with Shiro? “It… must have been tough.”

“Well. You know, leadership isn’t always given to the ones who want it.” The tone has dripped into less than sweet, much colder than hot or at least neutral. “There’s a quote that goes along those lines, yeah?”

Shiro continues as if Keith wasn’t made to respond. “I’m proud of you, Keith.”

Prior to this, Keith thought he’d be harder to pick up. To just… lift off the ground like that.

On Shiro’s behalf, there’s no effort in it at all. Despite the grueling hours he put into training, the fact is just that Keith is more than a modest head shorter than Shiro, and when it does come to training his muscles do exist but they don’t ripple at his sides like Shiro’s do. Keith’s picked up like he’s a toy for a kid, with big hands running at his sides and looking him over to see if he’s good.

The very first thought that runs through his brain is that, in Shiro’s eyes, _he hasn’t been good at all_. A precious second wasted on something he can’t confirm, something from the past.

By then, it’s too late for poor little Keith Kogane. He can try to squirm; Keith most certainly does, that attempt is full-hearted, but then the ice drapes itself around his neck. Trust bubbles to the surface of his throat, because Shiro would _never_ , but if he did he’d have a very good reason to.

Keith’s whole body, without any form of consent, shakes with the first jolt from Shiro’s hand. Lightning isn’t a good word for it because before it happens you get some sense of rain before the strike, this was more like a knife being run through his body. _All_ the way through, it’s scraping at the bone in his toes.

Time passes oddly. How long has he been lifted? How long as Keith been blubbering as Shiro’s knuckles curl around his jaw, and the others keep themselves tight on his neck?

That doesn’t even include the things he is saying. If he’s saying anything at all. There’s an embarrassing amount of drool at the edge of his mouth spilling onto Shiro’s hand, or maybe that’s blood? He could be saying, _harder_ because if Shiro gets it all out right now there will be less for later. Or Keith’s bloody survival instincts might have put themselves in, knowing fight is impossible and all he can try to do is flight when he pleads to Shiro, saying that _it hurts,_ that he’s going to kill Keith. _You’re gonna kill me, Takashi please,_ something like that escapes his lips as the air leaves his lungs and his brain.

Before he’s dropped to the floor like a sack of potatoes, there’s a second shock at his neck that sends him reeling even without oxygen.

There is a crazy crazy _crazy_ second where Keith swears he hears a camera. Not the shutter of one, not the flickering, but a camera zooming in and out. He believes that it’s likely his brain fried from the shock, that it startled him so bad he dissociated for a brief moment. The sound vanishes with the bolt, but the memory sears in his brain like an oven meal finished but still boiling.

When his knees collide with the cold metal floor, Keith feels something slide across his thighs but his head hurts so bad, he can’t tell if Shiro tried to grab him by the knees or not. He kneels on the floor and tries very hard to neither vomit up at Shiro’s feet nor cough blood up on them. After all, they were so shiny, it’d be a shame to ruin them.

The room around him is way too bright for his eyes. If he has eyes at all, it’s kind of uncertain for him personally as the light wavers and flickers as if it’s only trying to. Keith’s ear might exist, because he hears something like, _you tell anybody about this and I’ll kill you_ but Takashi Shirogane would _never_.

If this were to happen to them Shiro would crumble in on his body too and he’d hold Keith so close and lovingly because that’s what they were. Lovers. _I saved you, I cut your hair, I loved you, don’t you love me too?_

But he does – nothing about Shiro is gentle. This, Keith realizes with a shiver in his spine that’s beginning to form out of the light, is how Shiro expresses himself now. Only with him does Shiro feel like this is safe.

In this moment, Keith can see himself pitting Shiro up against that, but the sympathy understanding and overall _affection_ that comes flooding, drowns that out immediately. For all his might Shiro couldn't separate himself from the war, he's doing it here of all places... what kind of monster would he have to be to think that this was all of Shiro? His impatiences slows from its grind, his lack of trust evaportates as he struggles onto his legs. With lidded eyes he sees Shiro exit the bridge; all Keith is thinking about is how much Shiro must hate himself right now.

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from Of Montreal’s We Will Commit Wolf Murder.


End file.
